Rude-olph
by OogieBoogie
Summary: A little Christmas fic. Draco had something strange happen to him during the days leading up to Christmas and, well ... he's meant to find someone to love him for who he is by Christmas otherwise he stays in his strange state for the rest of his life. (Possible crackfic teehee) MERRY CHRISTMAS! [mild language]


**A/N: **I'm still in my afflicted!Draco kick so here's another story themed on that. Also, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! It's the _most_ wonderful time of the year, I can attest to this! *gives everybody presents* Also, if you squint, you might realize that this story was somewhat inspired by Beauty and The Beast.

**x.x.x.x.x**

_First week of Advent …_

Expensive, black dragon hide boots ambled down the cobblestone pathway of Diagon Alley.

They belonged to a confident air of a man, elegant, graceful. He was capturing the gazes and the attention of both men and women as he walked by, letting them catch a whiff of his saliva-inducing cologne before he was out of their sight, leaving them looking longingly and bereft at his retreating form.

As he walked by, he caught his own reflection at one of the shop windows. He stopped to examine himself.

Gossamer hair, check. Arched left eyebrow, check. Expensive robes and equally expensive boots, check. Stormy, grey eyes, check. Pleased with what he saw and with his appearance, he straightened his robes once more before nodding at his own reflection, continuing his journey down Diagon Alley.

Draco Malfoy was beautiful.  
An ice sculpture turned into a human form.

He was handsome, he was sexy, he had the perfect nose, he had the perfect lips, he was pale, he was lean, he was –

Being pulled by someone.

Draco stopped in his tracks at the feel of somebody pulling on his arm. He turned around and sized the person up immediately.

"_Eugh!_" He exclaimed in utter revulsion at the person peering back at him through hooded eyes.

She was well, _foul._ She looked almost like a troll, except smaller and … well, human. Balding grey hair, an eye that was blind, a nose that was upturned with a giant mole smack dab in the middle of it with hairs growing out of it, her teeth were very few and yellowed and rotten … and she was emanating a really ugly smell. Of course Draco was disgusted by what he saw!

"Care to spare a couple of Galleons for an old lady?" the woman said in a rusty, broken voice.  
"I beg your pardon?" Draco said in the iciest voice he could muster.

"In exchange for a rose," she said, and suddenly procured a large, beautiful, red rose out of her tattered robes. "For Christmas, at least. To spread the Christmas joy."

Draco stared at it, wondering where it'd been, wondering whether it has any sort of disease on it or worse – dirt.

"Well, young man? Surely a handsome man such as yourself would have a lovely lady to give this to?"  
"No, I don't," he said briskly, "And no, thank you. I require no roses."

He tugged on his arm, freeing it from the hag's grasp and began to walk away.

But he was pulled back again.

"Please, young man," the old woman said, "Won't you help an old lady?"  
She flashed her teeth and Draco would have vomited in his mouth if he wasn't so pissed off.

"No, unhand me, you uncouth, horrid creature!" he exclaimed, attracting people's attention, "Get off me and stop touching me!"

He pulled his arm free with such force that the old lady lost her footing and fell onto the streets. Draco had half a mind to help her up but decided against it. He turned away, and as he began walking off, he heard the woman call out to him.

"Beware what your boorishness has wrought, Draco Abraxas Malfoy!" she said in a ruthless, shattered voice. Draco turned to look at her, vaguely wondering how on earth she knew his name, but was distracted by the way she was pointing menacingly at him. "You shall suffer the perils of being less than perfect all the days until Christmas, and if you do not find someone who will love you for who you are and inspires change within you, you will be doomed to spend the rest of life as an image of your true self, ugly and unaccepted!"

With a puff of giant yellow smoke, the woman disappeared.

Draco stared at the spot where she stood, puzzled.

"How very melodramatic," he shrugged elegantly and walked away, putting the strange incident behind him right away.

Yes, Draco Malfoy was also … rude.

That night, he dreamt of rotten teeth and blind eyes.

**x.x.x.x.x**

Draco woke up the next morning feeling uncharacteristically morose and irritable and crabby. He could hear carols all around the streets and he rolled his eyes.

He hated Christmas, he hated the sheer cheerfulness of it all, and how people can just forget everything and be merry for a bit. Such children, they were.

However, he had work today and he needed to submit the report to Granger. He groaned. Granger, another cheerful spirit. Actually, Granger was cheerful every day of the year, much to Draco's consternation. The woman was just so full of life, smiling all year around and laughing merrily. Sure, he hated the fact that Granger was somewhat of his superior, but that didn't stop her from treating him equally, almost better than the rest …

She had frequently asked him if he wanted to join the office outing, nights at the pub and so on and so forth but Draco had intentionally turned her down every single time. Sometimes, much to Draco's confusion, she would actually ask him out to lunch or dinner, always with a hopeful expression on her face.

And Draco would turn her down, again and again.

Draco always felt something whenever her ever-cheerful, rosy face fell every time he said 'no', and every time he rudely snaps a "I decline" as a reply to her invitations, the way her eyes shone unbridled disappointment and hurt. Whatever guilt Draco felt was soon shoved away, because the last thing he wanted her to do was to hang out with him out of pity. It was bad enough that everybody hated him; he didn't want the press to have a field day with stupid headlines such as **"Gryffindor Golden Girl Cosy with Ex-Death Eater!"**

That was why it was better this way, staying away from everybody. Including Granger, who seemed genuinely interested in spending time with him. Why she was like that, Draco couldn't for the life of him figure it out. During the first week of advent, she had even asked him to come Christmas shopping with her. What the hell?

Draco sighed low in his throat and made to get up, finding that for some reason, his head felt heavier. Like he had a helmet on during of one his childhood games.

Weird.

He walked to the bathroom, swung the door open and glanced at his mirror.

"_AAAAAAUGHHHHHHH!_"

His heart dropped into his stomach and he shrieked at his own reflection, hands on the mirror.

He had antlers. He had fucking antlers. And a big red nose. Like a clown's nose!

He touched them both and they, for some reason, felt … so real – like they were a part of him for so, so long …

"No … no … this is a dream."

He tried pinching himself but that had hurt and left his skin red, and he was still in the same form. He cast _Finite_ over himself, hoping that it would stop whatever spell that was cast on him but to no avail. He remained a weird combination between a human and a red-nosed reindeer.

"A fucking reindeer," he said promptly, staring at his reflection.

And then he fainted.

**x.x.x.x.x**

Waking up many hours later, still antlered and red-nosed. He sent a note to Granger, making up some lame excuse about him being sick and not being able to come to work for the next couple of days.

He stared himself again and again, refusing to believe his eyes but at the same time thinking of how to solve this.

If it was a spell, surely it shouldn't be so hard to get rid of? I mean what kind of curse would be so –

His grey eyes widened.  
"Curse …" he whispered to himself.

His mind started replaying the incident with the old lady yesterday. _Beware what your boorishness has wrought, Draco Abraxas Malfoy! You shall suffer the perils of being less than perfect all the days until Christmas, and if you do not find someone who will love you for who you are and inspires change within you, you will be doomed to spend the rest of your life as an image of your true self, ugly and unaccepted! _

"No … no … no," he shook his head, chanting to himself over and over again. This was impossible. This can't possibly happen. No, not to him. Please, Merlin, no.

His head was swimming and he had to sit down. How could he possibly live like this? How could he even step outside of his flat like this? And who …

Who could even come to love a person like him, while he was looking like that?

He sat staring out the window, antlers heavy and nose obviously red whenever he as much as looked straight ahead of him for the rest of the day.

That was until his doorbell rang.

He panicked. He couldn't let anyone see him like this.

He tried to cast a Glamour Charm on himself, but his antlers and nose didn't move.

"For fuck's sake"-

Calm, cool, collected. What is a Malfoy if not all that? He took a deep breath before padding down the stairs to the door.

"Who is it?" He called out.

"Hey Malfoy, it's me," a familiar voice called out.  
"Granger?" He hissed.  
"Yeah … I umm, I got your note saying you wouldn't be at work today, you said you were sick … so I just thought I'd come and check up on you," her muffled voice answered.

"Oh, well, I'm fine," Draco replied immediately.  
"Do you … do you want me to have a look at you?" she offered timidly after a heavy pause.

"No, I'm fine, Granger," he answered, "Really. I'll see you tomorrow. Or not. It depends on whether I get better or not."  
"Malf -"  
"Good day, Granger. Thanks for dropping by," he said in a clipped tone.

Granger was still standing in front of his door; pausing and Malfoy felt badly for saying that to her but he just couldn't let her see him like this, couldn't let anyone see him like this for that matter.

After a while, Granger disappeared with a 'pop'.

Draco sat down heavily on the stairs, his antlers almost getting stuck in the banister before he dropped his face into his hands, formulating a way out of this.

**x.x.x.x.x**

_Second week of Advent …_

Draco had to request the Minister if he could actually work from home, making up yet another excuse as to why he wasn't able to bodily make it to the office. Fortunately, the Minister was always in a good mood during the Christmas season so he happily agreed.

Granger, on the other hand, couldn't get off his back so easily.

She kept sending him notes to ask how he was, asking if she could drop by and see him because she was worried. Draco scoffed that that. Ha! Hermione Granger, worried about Draco Malfoy! What has the world come to?

He stuck to replying to her notes with short sentences or very few words, pushing aside the guilt every time he saw the owl disappear out of sight.

He sat in his study all week long, researching on permanent curses and transfiguration spells gone wrong to find …

Absolutely nothing.

**x.x.x.x.x**

_Third week of Advent _…

The doorbell rang again.

"Who is it?" Draco called from the stairs exasperatedly.  
"It's me, Malfoy," Granger called out again.

"What do you want?" he snapped, the fact that he was going to spend the rest of his life with antlers and a red-nose getting to his head very quickly and making him very irritable at the slightest things.

Who could blame him, really? His antlers were knocking into everything and breaking every single glass in the house and his nose was – well, his nose was just _so red _it annoyed him.

"I just found out that you requested to work from home. Kingsley told me today. Were you ever planning on letting me know?" came her muffled voice, heavily laced with disappointment.

Draco sighed.  
"Never, actually," he answered.  
"Why, Malfoy? I thought … I thought we were friends."

Draco gaped.  
They were?  
All those arguments and forced niceties coming from Granger made them friends? Even after Draco turned down every single invitation from her, Granger would _still _consider him a friend?

"Granger, come on. We were never friends," he said bitterly.  
"But I want to be. Your friend, I mean. At least, that's what I've been trying to do," she sighed heavily, "Aren't you going to let me in?"

"No, I'm not. Your concern is much appreciated, nonetheless."  
"Come on, Malfoy. Stop shutting me out. What is really wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me!" he said a little too quickly.  
"I don't believe you."

"Granger, if I tell you that there really is nothing wrong with me, would you please, please leave me alone?"  
"No, but I'd do it under one condition."

Draco sighed heavily.

"Fine, what is it?"  
"You'll attend the office Christmas Eve party next week," she suggested.  
"Oh, please, not that bosh!"  
"Yes, it's quite the shindig, and I would very much like you to come," she paused, "With me."

Draco was silent.

"Granger, I don't think …"  
"It's a costume party. Come on, it'll be fun. You can dress up as The Grinch, seeing how it suits your personality and all," she teased.  
"Very funny."

Suddenly, there was a loud bang and his front door blew into pieces. And in stepped Hermione Granger, a resolute expression on her face.

Draco was seated at the stairs as usual, and stared at her, aghast.

Hermione was waving her hand around the smoke that had been brought about by his door exploding into pieces.

"What the fuck, Granger?!" Draco cried out.  
"No, Malfoy. I've had it with talking to your door and not your face for the past two weeks and I think I deserve an explanation," she said and waited until the smoke cleared away and her eyes landed on Draco.

Draco sighed and dropped his head onto his hands again. Right, here he was, going to die out of humiliation.

"What are you wearing?" Hermione asked, her voice amused.

"I'm not wearing anything," he groaned into his hands. Now what the fuck was he supposed to say to her?

"Yes, you are … you have got antlers on, and a bright red clown nose," she said, walking towards him. "Are you going somewhere?"  
"No, Granger, I haven't been _anywhere _for the past three weeks."  
"Yeah, that too. Why haven't you been out for three weeks? You really had me worried you know?" she said, and with a flourish of her wand, she repaired his door – as good as new.

"Granger, please."  
"You look nice, by the way," she crossed her arms and smiled, head tilting slightly, "Very cute and adorable."

Draco's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline.

"You're joking."  
"No, I'm not, it's really is cute. It's a good look on you," she chuckled.

Draco groaned and rolled his eyes.  
"So tell me why you've been avoiding the office, was it something I did? Did I say something?" Hermione pressed on.

"No, Granger, nothing you did."  
"Then, what is it?"  
"Granger, you wouldn't even believe me even if I did tell you why."

"Try me," her eyes narrowed.

Draco took that as permission to let her know his predicament in under a minute, excluding the fact that he needed someone to love him to break the curse. After he was done, he looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to laugh out loud in her face and run off to the _Prophet_ and let them know what had become of Draco Malfoy, the red-nosed reindeer.

Surprisingly, she didn't. She had a look of concern and what was that … _worry_?

"So, someone cursed you because you were rude to her?" she asked.  
"Yes, that's it."  
"But … why a reindeer?"  
"I have no fucking idea, Granger. I would like to ask her, only I have no clue as to how to get to her in the first place. She disappeared right after."  
"And no spells work at all?"  
"None. Tried every one of them, including Potions."

"Did she … did she somehow tell you what you had to do in order to break the spell?" she asked curiously.  
Draco glanced up at her before looking away.

"No, she didn't," he lied.

There was a pregnant silence.

And then all of a sudden …

"Don't worry, Malfoy! I'll help you get through this. I'll read whatever I can, I'll research until I find the answer, okay?" she reached out and pat his hands.

"What? Granger, it won't work!" Draco called out as she walked towards his door.

"I'll have to try, at least," she smiled at him. "And look on the bright side, you'd still be able to come to the costume party with me. You're already dressed for it."

With that, she sent him another blinding smile before disappearing behind his door with a loud bang.

"It won't fucking work …" Draco whispered to himself.

**x.x.x.x.x**

_Christmas Eve._

Draco hated parties. He hated the people, the cheerful decorations and the people who kept sending him baleful glances.

They didn't want him here. And he knew that. He wanted to leave so badly but Hermione had looked so happy when he actually came.

Nobody said anything about his getup, although some of the office girls were sending him flirty looks. He rolled his eyes.

"Would you like another drink, Malfoy?" Hermione asked from his side.  
He felt suffocated; he didn't want to be here. He'd much rather spend time in his home, wallowing in self-pity and slowly try to accept the way he currently looked.

"No, thanks," Draco moved, "Excuse me."

Hermione shot him a worried look before nodding at him.

Draco moved to the office corridor and leaned heavily against the wall. He sighed and rubbed his face, wincing as his fingers got caught in his humongous red nose.

"Yeah, did you see what he had on? A reindeer, really?" one of the male voices was heard from the other side of the wall.  
"It's probably a ploy to get the ladies. Geez," another replied.  
"I don't get why the girls like him though. He's so bloody arrogant and rude all the time."  
"I know! I don't even know what he's doing here."

Draco's eyes hardened at that and he stood up straight, walking towards the entrance again, intent on going up to them and giving them a piece of his mind. But as soon as he walked past the door, he was unable to move. He was permanently stuck there.

"Ah, bad luck, Malfoy," one of the men called out and laughed, pointing towards the area above Draco's head.

Draco glanced up.

Mistletoe.

Fuck. Can life be more utterly thrilling?  
He should just resign and never work. He had enough money to do nothing for the rest of his life, anyway.

Draco stood, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe. He didn't know how long he stood there for, probably for half an hour or more. Nobody had come to the rescue, even the girls who were making eyes at him.

Right. _Right_.

To think that all of this happened because he was _rude_.

Another ten or twenty minutes later, Hermione came strolling in after disappearing for quite a while. She had a strange twinkle in her eyes and she had a gloopy smile on her face.

"Malfoy? What are you doing there?" she asked, smiling broadly as she caught sight of him.  
"I'm stuck," he said truthfully. "Probably forever. In this place, and in this form. Forever."

"No, you won't. Have faith," she said, walking towards him.  
"No, Granger, stay away. Don't come here," he said, raising his hands to stop her.

But she didn't listen and walked to stand right next to him, right above the mistletoe.

Draco groaned. Now they were both stuck.

"Why do you do that?" she asked, looking up at him sadly.  
"Are you drunk, Granger? You look a little off," he said, waving his hand in front of her glazed eyes.  
"No, maybe a little but … enough to know that you're always pushing me away. What is it, Malfoy? Do you hate me that much?" she said, on the verge of tears.  
"Granger, I don't hate you …"

"I think you do … otherwise you wouldn't have rejected me all the time … those times when I asked you out …"  
"Wait, what? Asked me out?" he looked at her, dumbfounded. "You mean all those times you asked me out for lunches and dinners … those were supposed to be dates?"

"Yes," she sighed heavily, "But clearly I … anyway, I just wanted to tell you that …"  
"What?"

"I might as well because, you know, it's Christmas and all. And just because it's Christmas, I've decided to let it all go and let you know that … I like you. I think I always have, ever since we started working together."

Draco's heart leapt at that. Granger – Granger liked him? Actually _liked_ him?  
But somehow, somewhere, deep inside Draco's mind, he knew that she did. The entire department or possibly the entire Ministry knew that Hermione harboured feelings for him, only he was too much of an arse to acknowledge it or do something about it.

He had known for a while know.

"So, and because it's Christmas, this is my last chance to let my feelings be known to you. And, I just wanted to let you know that I like you, just the way you are. Antlers and all. I think I'd like you in all forms, anyway. You were exquisite before, and you are exquisite now. In all forms, you are beautiful. Don't ever doubt that."

Draco was touched at her words, and was about to reply before she stopped her with a raised hand.

Before he could question her on what the hell she was doing, she had stood on tiptoes and planted a long, long, sweet, lingering kiss on his lips.

Draco found himself leaning into the kiss, despite the difficulty at angling his head because of the size of his nose, but –

But it was lovely, the kiss. Warm, sweet and light. Just like Christmas.  
A warm feeling bubbled up in his chest and his heart was thumping heavily.

Hermione pulled away and muttered to herself, "Okay, that's that. Enough. Enough, move on now."

She looked up at him with a determined expression and smiled.  
"I won't bother you anymore about this Malfoy," she planted another kiss on his cheek, "Merry Christmas. And don't worry, the curse will break somehow."

With that, she disappeared right in front of his eyes with a 'pop'.

Draco stood there for minutes, before walking over to the alcohol table, taking multiple shots of Firewhiskey before Apparating home and fell onto his bed with a frown on his face.

**x.x.x.x.x**

_Christmas Day_

Draco woke up feeling like utter shit. He woke up thinking of Hermione and what she had said last night, and he felt like an idiot. A complete idiot.

There was an owl waiting for him at the window, and he found a note from his Mother, reminding him of their dinner party that night at the Manor.

He sighed and walked to the bathroom, not even chancing a glance at the mirror.

While he washed his face, however, he found something strange. His nose seemed … _smaller_. It was no longer the rounded, red, tumour-like shape that he had sort of got used to these past few weeks.

He slowly looked up at the mirror.

His eyes went wide with shock and relief at the same time. He was back to himself.

His perfect, perfect nose and the antlers were completely gone. He laughed and laughed and laughed.

But he still felt like complete shit. Something was missing.

And he knew what it was.

The dinner with Mother was not until later tonight, he had somewhere to be.

**x.x.x.x.x**

He rang the doorbell twice.  
And then Ron Weasley opened the door.

"Oh, um," he said, looking stupidly at the roses and the present he held in each hand. "Is … Granger in?"  
"Yeah, she is," Ron looked at him in bewilderment before shouting, "'Mione?!"

A faint reply of "WHAT?!" came from upstairs and Draco couldn't resist a smile at that.

"Someone's here for you!"  
"Coming!"

Draco and Ron stood in awkward silence, waiting for Hermione to appear and save them from their misery.

"You know," Ron said in a quiet voice, "It's about time you came around. She's been mad about you for ages. Couldn't stop talking about you."  
"Oh, err, right. Well … here I am," Draco answered awkwardly.

Ron sent him a pointed look before walking off, replaced by Hermione.

"Oh! Draco," she blushed furiously, "I … I wasn't expecting you."  
"Clearly," he answered, "I, umm, I hope I wasn't intruding or anything, I just came to drop these off."

"Oh, no you're not … Ron just came over to practice his proposal speech … he's thinking of proposing to his girlfriend tonight," Hermione explained, biting on her lower lip, "But … thank you," she gestured at the gift and the roses. "I'm glad to see that you're your usual self again. Although I admit I'll miss the nose and the antlers, Rude-olph."

"Yeah, well, here," he literally pushed them onto Hermione, suddenly not knowing what to say or do, now that he was right here in front of her, "Merry Christmas."

He turned on his heel and walked down the stairs.

"Wait, Draco!" Hermione called.

Draco looked at her and saw that the blush on her face rivalled that of a telephone box.

"Would you like … umm … would you care for some eggsnog? I mean eggnog?" she groaned at her mistake and looked down at her feet.

Draco chuckled and shook his head as he jogged up the stairs and stood right in front Hermione again.

"Yes, some eggsnog would be lovely. And perhaps eggnog after would be grand."

Hermione grinned at him before she opened the door a little wider to let him in.

**THE END.**

**Read and Review!**

**And Merry, merry, merry CHRISTMAS! **


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